In this issue:  1. I get a day off finally and man what a day it is!
                    2. Capt. Deep plays weather man (See how Deep Banana got his name HERE)
                    3.The Shanty Man, Trevor Jones makes an appearance

Erik's Day Off

    Erik’s day off. I don’t get a whole lot of days off in general (Actually most people think I don’t really work anyway!) and as such, I try not to do a whole lot of anything when I get the chance. I usually have a nice relaxing day without entertaining anyone.
    I opened my eyes this morning at about 8:30 or so and was greeted by the meows of a hungry cat. My mouth felt like the cat had been sleeping in it and my head felt like I had brain surgery the night before. Last night, oh man, what a night. Not so much different in the usual sense. I had a good crowd, sold a couple of cds, and got fired again. Wait, fired again? Well it turns out that certain bosses at certain establishments got a little carried away with a couple bottles of wine again. It happens to the best of us I suppose. One minute it’s I love you man, and the next it’s "You’re done. Never come into this restaurant again". Hell, he probably won’t even remember seeing me anyway. I groaned and made a mental note to check on that whole mess later. In the meantime I decided to feed the cat, put some coffee on and splash some water on my face, and not necessarily in that order.
    Well I’m out of coffee so it’s off to the harbor with me. I can’t seem to find my bike anywhere but thank god the truck is still there. On my way down Front Street, the sun is shining, the water is calm, and this little island town is still asleep. I do notice however that the 65-foot, 70-ton catamaran "Ehukai" is sideways inside the narrow channel at the entrance to Lahaina harbor. Now this isn’t the place to be sideways as you have a jagged coral reef on one side and a rock wall on the other. While it isn’t exactly a difficult harbor to enter, it does become trickier when your boat loses power. I knew something was wrong so I hurried to the harbor, parked in the first available spot I could and ran to the raft. (For those of you who aren’t aware, I’m Captain of a 30 foot ocean raft/ snorkel boat a day or two a week www.hawaiioceanrafting.com). The boat is very maneuverable and I towed a good amount of friends off the reef or into the harbor etc. By the time I ran to the other side of the harbor and got on my towboat, Ehukai was grinding away ON the rocks making a quite disturbing noise. After some yelling, prolific cursing, tugging, and a couple of close calls, the Ehukai was off the rocks and resting nicely inside the harbor tied to the dock. Not a bad start to the day and I’m feeling pretty good, all things considered.
    As I get back to my truck, it appears I’m two minutes too late on a parking ticket that’s landed on my windshield: fifty dollars and an appearance in court on March 31st. Or I could always say screw it and wait for the bench warrant to be issued. Damn, so much for good Samaritans I guess. No good deed goes unpunished. Well hell, since I already have a ticket on the windshield, I mind as well have some breakfast at the pioneer inn. For the next hour I treat myself to some steak, eggs, bloody marys and coffee, and watch the waves of tourists shopping for more knickknacks, and getting into arguments about who knows what. God I love this place.
    After heading home, doing some bills, and showing my sailboat to a few prospective buyers (who incidentally are all interested but have no money), it’s off to the beach for a nap and a chance to finish reading Treasure Island for the 10th time. Old Billy Bones and the rest of the boys never seem get older even as I do. There’s something about laying back and just watching the world go by, even if it’s just for a few minutes.
    Well, believe it or not, the sun was again ready to fall behind Lanai, the fishing boats were all coming back over the horizon and the town readied itself for the dinner crowd. I found my bike earlier and now rode it down to the harbor again to finish out my sunlight. I ran into Captain Ryan who just brought the "Reel Hooker" back into its slip and we talk bullshit stories as he hoses down the boat. We just sat there talking about how good the fishing was, how big the tips were, and good lord, how the three girls with the surfboards on the jetty are looking. I said goodbye and rode home with a piece of fresh caught mahi-mahi in my hand. I made a quick stop by the store for a nice bottle of wine and it’s back home once again for a quiet dinner by myself.
    Well my day off is just about over and right now I’m sitting in front of this glowing computer screen working on this month’s "As the Anchor Drags". It just now occurred to me to write about today’s not-much-goings-on. Sometimes it almost seems surreal here. While there’s nothing actually going on, sometimes there is so much happening that is so easy to miss. I guess we all have to sit back and take a good look around once in a while or we could miss it. Ha ha, Sound familiar? Aloha!
                                                    Erik
P.S. These pictures don't really have anything to do with the story, but some of you live in some freezing ass cold places and I thought you might like to remember Lahaina!

Trying to Reason w/ Hurricane Season...

    Ok landlubbers, once again, Deep here, and once again I’m slacking on my end of the newsletter. It’s not easy trying to write a newsletter with a three-legged cat named Penis chewing on your leg. He probably wants me to take the eye patch off.
     It’s been a very busy month for this freelance boat captain. Since December we’ve had a series of storms and cold fronts move through the Hawaiian chain that has been every sailors delight. By the way, the old saying, “Red skies at night, sailors delight. Red skies in the morning, sailors take warning” is a bunch of Pooh!!! If I could foretell the weather with that old adage I wouldn’t be boat whoring around Lahaina Harbor.  I’d be retired with a young bikini under each arm.
     The storms are rolling over Lahaina on a weekly basis, almost to the day. They kill the boating business and it causes the local sailor population to loose days of work. No work, no money! (Erik’s note: This is part of our occupational hazard) Also there is a certain amount of danger involved as the unlucky boat captains are sent out into the Perfect Storm by the boat owners to entertain ignorant, smiley faced tourists from the mid-west. The economy out here has been very soft since 911; therefore they will do just about anything for a buck.
     These storms are supposedly caused by El Nino warming the Pacific Ocean. Like clockwork they have been stomping the guts out of Lahaina.  On Sunday and Monday 25kt winds out of the north, on Tuesday and Wednesday it was light and variables with choking belch out of the volcano to the south. On Thursday and Friday 20 to 30 knot winds gusting to 50 knots.  On Saturday it rains. As these storms come through and hit the west coast of the mainland they are known as the Pineapple Express. The wind generates ocean swells that start miles off shore and by the time they hit the coast of Maui they can be the size of a whales dick in heat, or very big. When this happens the boating community can suffer quite a bit of property damage, usually in the form of boats breaking of there moorings or anchors and being dashed upon the reef. Most of the time the community rallies and does a very good job of helping each other out, as it is a large engineering project to get a vessel off the reef without it sustaining anymore damage, but a lot of the time the boats are simply busted into pieces by the storm surge. In fact in the last two weeks Lahaina has lost four boats to mother nature along the West Maui Coastline.
     One of the vessels lost was an old figurehead of Lahaina Harbor, the Sea view. Acquired many years ago by a local boat company, she ran glass bottom cruises and snorkel trips along the Maui coastline until she met her demise on Jan 15th, 2003. Ninety-nine tons of booze and steel smashed onto the break wall of Lahaina.  She didn’t sustain any damage but she is so heavy that they could not move her. As I write this they are cutting her up for salvage. A beautiful vessel she was, with her endless supply of beer and rum. For twenty-five bucks you could drink yourself silly and take a two-hour boat ride all at the same time. I asked Captain Dick Tater and Lester Bowie of the Seaview how they felt about the untimely fate of their vessel.  Dick said, “I think we should secure it right here and make it a bar and grill!” referring to the fact that the vessel landed about twenty feet from Front Street, the main street in Lahaina. Lester said that he would like to make it into a saloon where he could smoke and drink. The boys continued to off load the booze. At some time or another it seems like all of the Captains and crew of Lahaina Harbor worked on the Seaview.  She was an icon that will surely be missed by all.  As Lester and Dick broke into a sweat on the Seaview four other boats made their way onto the reef. There was excitement everywhere as boat owners staggered out of the saloons to save their vessels. God bless them as some of these sailors lost everything that they owned, and their lively hood, when they lost their vessels.
     On January 18th at the height of the big storm I had a chance to ride the local ferry the sixteen miles over to Manele Bay. I was there with the intent of taking pictures of the big waves and talking to Captain Junior about how he felt about the big storm. The ride was actually one of the roughest I’d ever been on with fifteen to twenty foot seas breaking over the pilothouse.  The passengers were scared shitless and puking everywhere while I sat in the pilot house with Junior and tried not to hit my head on the ceiling. Junior said that I was being a pussy, but also stated that he would not be taking the boat out anymore that day. You landlubbers can’t see the pictures because I dropped my camera into the harbor when I got off the ferry. I have included pictures of another storm and a picture of Seaview back in here heyday in1992 and one of her this January 15th.
     All in all the month was a brutal month. Hopefully everyone will recover from the storms of this January, and we all thank Saint Elmo that no one was hurt or injured. Until next month, this is Captain Deep “Steve Panetta” Banana signing off.
 
P.S.  To the rest of the female inmates of Boulder County Jail: Tell your friends and send me some e-mail, It might get published on the newsletter.
                     deep_banana@excite.com