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In this issue: 1. Tales from
Tomahawk
2. Ever seen this on the beach?
3.
Pirate Girl reminds us it's time for "Talk Like a Pirate"
day again (September 19th)
4.
Deep does nothing again... but with style
Tales from Tomahawk (Part Deux)
OK, so this week was something
else, as I mentioned on my news page. And it’s only the start of
this month’s mayhem. I’m on my way back to LA right
now where I will treat the Pirate Girl to a nice sushi dinner complete
with sake for everyone (Coming back from Wisconsin, my colon can’t
handle any more fried cheese!) I started to describe my weekend
on the news page but soon realized that I had entirely too much fun to
even begin to tell the entire story. So I’ll dedicate an entire
month’s column of the “Anchor” to “Bike Week in
Tomahawk”. I’m giggling already!
First of all, flying from Maui to Wisconsin is
a pain in the ass in itself. We land in LA at about 11:00pm, wait
3 hours, fly the red-eye to Minneapolis, take a puddle jumper to Madison,
rent a car, and drive 3 hours north to the frozen tundra that is Tomahawk
Wisconsin. Some of you may ask why exactly I go all this way to
play. Well, you’ve got to know those people up there.
I don’t know whether or not it’s the cold or the snow or the
canned beer, or what, but these people know how to have fun. For
starters the hospitality up there is second to none (Erik’s note:
Wherever this tour has taken us we have met the nicest people!).
So the pirate girl and I get to Tomahawk at about 1:00 in the afternoon
after about 7500 miles of straight travel and are ready for some sleep.
Now when I mean ready for some sleep, I mean we were slapping each other
at regular intervals trying not to kill ourselves on the road. We
wound up taking 30 minute intervals driving on highway 51 because any
longer and you would wake up to the sound of the “drunk bumps”
as you’re driving off the road fast asleep; Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.
(If it weren’t for those things, I’d be dead a long time ago!)
So we meet up with our friends Brian and Tracy who have graciously let
us use their “cabin” as they call it (this is a mac-daddy
house about 20 feet from lake Nokomis. It is an absolutely beautiful
piece of property!) And we drift off into sweet harmonious slumber.
So much for day #1 in Wisconsin.
Day
2: After sleeping somewhere around 15 hours, we get up and head
right back down that same highway as before to pick up Fingers (Greg “Fingers”
Taylor of the Coral Reefer band / James Taylor etc…).
Of course his airport is only 45 minutes away. I can’t help
but wonder why in the hell I flew into an airport 3 hours away.
I really shouldn’t be in charge of these things. Well we meet
Fingers at this little airport and he has that same look I had just a
day before. Well, we go on at 9:00 so after Fingers gets a
couple hours of sleep we decide we should probably figure out what in
the heck we’re going to play. That’s right, we’re
recording a live record in an hour an a half and we’ve not so much
as hummed a tune together. Ahhh music!
Night number one was relatively uneventful as far as things go.
We managed to get every one there at the right place at the right time.
Fingers and I put on a great show (at least I had a hell of a lot of fun
playing with him!) but the crowd was should I say, couldabeenbetter.
But it was Friday night that we were waiting for. That’s when
the bikers were going to be out in force. That’s also when
the Parrotheads were going to drive out and wreck their weekends!
Debauchery at its finest! Arrrrrgh! More rum for me men!
Day
3: I wake up to the sound of water gurgling down the gutters right
above my head (I didn’t sleep in a gutter it just sounded like it).
“I wonder if that’s rain” I say to myself when (as if
to answer me) the sky goes Kaboom after I see the flash of light.
It hasn’t rained in Tomahawk for almost 2 months (as I was told
over and over) but sure as shit, the second I fly in there, it’s
pouring. Normally that wouldn’t affect me too much except
for the fact that I have to play a show outside at 2:00. So here
we go. It could have been worse after all. I could have been
on a motorcycle like the 30,000 other poor bastards who rode all the way
up to Tomahawk. Unfortunately, due to the rain there were about
a total of six people who saw that show (and I’m counting Tatiana).
If there’s one thing worse than a bad crowd it’s no crowd
at all. That’s brutal playing for no one. (At least
on Mondays at the Whale’s Tale I’m warm!) Another uneventful
show. At this point it is 5:30 and I have to be on stage with Fingers
in 3.5 hours so it’s off to dinner and back to R&R Gators for
some fun.
I was pleased to see that it was packed when
we got there. I felt a bit goofy wearing a white shirt (even one
with skulls) in a sea of black leather jackets, chaps, and that one lady
wearing that skunk hat. Well, should I say I felt like I stood out
until the group of college guys from Green Bay came walking in through
the door. We advertised this show to all the Buffett people we could
muster, so here comes Brian (if that’s not your name dude, it is
now) in full Jimmy Buffett Parrothead style, wearing a grass skirt, aloha
shirt, and that big-ass green hat with the tassels. I wish I could
have had that on video. It was like in those movies when the white guy
walks in to the blues bar in some hole in the wall town in Mississippi
and the record player makes that scratching sound as it slides off the
record and there’s complete silence. Well it wasn’t that bad
and every one was cool but the looks on those biker’s faces was
hilarious!
So Fingers and I hit it. I can’t
describe it other than it was awesome and you’ll hear it when the
live cd comes out. We must have been in the middle of the first
set when I look up and some guy is standing there talking to some girl
with his pants (drawers and everything) down at his ankles. I point
it out to Fingers and was like “What’s that all about?”
God, his face was priceless! We break into a killer rendition of
“Not Fade Away” rolling stones style. Of course things
are rocking along when I break my first string. Shit. Break
time. Set number 2 and it’s time for the Hula show.
Talking about a disturbing hula show, people were too busy laughing at
that drunken biker to even pay attention to the actual dance.
This guy asks Tatiana if he can get a picture wearing her costume.
No problemo except this costume costs a fair bit o’ money.
She hands him the skirt and as I turn around this guy’s taking his
jeans off in front of the stage, standing there in his bvd’s putting
on a coconut bra. Jesus! Ten minutes later this guy is outside
taking pictures with people on his Harley in said outfit. The one
problem? He didn’t bring a bike with him that night.
He’s just out there jumping on other people’s bikes taking
pictures. Luckily for him he wasn’t killed instantly.
(He was seen the next morning at the same place looking like he could
use a wheel chair.)
Well the last set rocked as well and the grand
finale involved the Pirate Girl and Katie (one of the owners who
was also having a birthday) dancing coyote ugly style up on the bar, pouring
shots of god knows what into a bunch of guys faces who were lining
up like baby birds (:o) . That was pretty funny. All said
and done it was a great time and funnier than two funny things.
Day3: We wake up sometime in the afternoon looking
for a place that serves breakfast all day. We wind up settling for
burgers I think (I have to write this stuff down as it happens or I’ll
forget) and have enough time left over for a shower and a quick stage
set up. It’s apparently been nice all day until the man hears
the first notes of my playing. Then the rain starts again.
This time the Kracker Barrell was a bit different.
It started out slow again but towards the end we actually got a decent
crowd going. It’s funny how a couple of songs about genitalia
can really get a crowd to start drinking. Well I finished at 7pm
and had to be on again in two hours (which includes packing up all the
gear and moving it across town to the next place). We arrive at
“The Bridge” right before 9pm and start to set up. One
of the things about a big biker festival is that if there’s people
present, it’s going to be fun! We wound up starting a bit
late but it was my last show in Wisconsin for the year (getting’
too damn cold!) so what the hell. It was seatbelt time! It
was three hours of drunken madness, hula, and mayhem which left one biker
passed out cold on the floor (god help him), and some crazy chick in lingerie
speaking incoherently.
Of course it was a way-too-early wake up
call that got us up 6 hours later for the 3 hour drive back to Madison
and back to Maui for 3 days on the island. In another day we land ourselves
in Las Vegas for “Las Vegas part Deux”. I’m just
hoping all goes well and we don’t get too robbed again. Other
than that we just want to have fun. Until the next time…
Just a quick little bit from the
goings on here in Lahaina. Seems someone was a looking for a bit
o' turtle... or perhaps a bit of tourist? What's in your back yard?
BY Edwin Tanji and Lila Fujimoto (excerpt from Maui Times)
KAANAPALI - A shark that swam right up to shore Tuesday led hotel managers
at a Kaanapali resort to clear the ocean, but state and county officials
said they were unable to confirm sightings reported Tuesday and Wednesday.
Russel Sparks, educational supervisor for the state division of aquatic
resources, said officials were notified of a sighting Tuesday at about
8pm, a few hours afetr the shark was spotted just off the beach fronting
the Kaanapali Shores. "There wasn't any cause for concern,"
he said "It was one shark. It wasn't seen again as far as anybody
was aware."
That ain't no dolphin lady! Ah yes, one of my favorite topics; Sharks!
This article got my attention when I read it. Everyday I drive the
snorkel boat someone asks me, "Do you ever see any sharks?"
This picture was taken from someone's hotel balcony. Look at how
close that thing is to the beach! It's obviously a Tiger (asymmetrical
tail, dorsal fin, and of yeah, it's bigger than the two guys on the beach).
You've just got to love mother nature. No harm done, Just a little
fly by for the tourists to let 'em know who's really in charge out there...
Talk Like a Pirate (Girl) Day
by Pirate Girl
Well Ahoy! PirateHeads. With the end of summer
approaching and fall colors quickly on its heels, (well some of us don’t
see fall colors, unless you count rental cars on front street.) and a
very successful –and ongoing- summer tour for The Whaleshark –thanks
to ALL of you- I felt inspired to say Avast! You saucy wenches and mates!
So far so good. I say this as we are sitting in the plane crammed like
sardines Wisconsin-bound. (Before I go on, let me just say one thing;
Is it absolutely necessary for the plane’s toilet to have that much
sucking force? I mean, really. Every time you flush it feels like if it
weren’t for the weight of your shoes you’d be sucked right
in. Ladies, if you are wearing a scarf, sarong, or anything else not fastened
to your body, watch out. I guess that is why they put the handles on the
sides and the walls. Once you hit that flush button, you’d better
hang on.)
On with ye pirates. Whether it is for a
weekend, a day, or as a lifestyle (not recommended) we all seem to have
found our inner pirate. I came across something that I need to share,
only because it is just too appropriate. I have not actually met these
particular chums but sailed upon them while surfing the net in search
of “other pirates.” Let me introduce to you Captain Chumbucket
and Captain Slappy, formerly known as John Baur and Mark Summers. Once
upon a time (as they put it) they were playing racquetball, being
guys, talking smack, talking pirate smack… and just being pirate
guys. This was on June of 1996, and I will quote them exactly as I can
muster, as the guys tell it, it went like this:
“whoever let out the first "Arrr!" started something.
One thing led to another. "That be a fine cannonade," one said,
to be followed by "Now watch as I fire a broadside straight into
your yardarm!" and other such helpful phrases.”
“By the time our hour on the court was over, we realized that lapsing
into pirate lingo had made the game more fun and the time pass more quickly.
We decided then and there that what the world really needed was a new
national holiday, TALK LIKE A PIRATE DAY.”
Arrrrr! Brilliant, those guys. You’ll have
to go to their website to find out the whole story but I’ll shorten
it up for you. Last year, humor columnist Dave Barry wrote a column on
the subject and appeared in newspapers across the country on September
8, 2002, exposing the previously little-known holiday to the rest of the
world and making Sept 19, 2003 the “official” national holiday!!!
(Has Hallmark heard about this? Or should I patent all TLAP greeting cards
now??)
Now, incidentally and totally coincidentally,
one of The Whaleshark’s fans gave a copy of such article (Dave Barry’s)
to him and Erik did write a column about it on HIS newsletter, the much
esteemed “As the anchor drags.” As I’ve mentioned to
the guys (John and Mark) I did read such article back then, --still, totally
unaware of TLAP day-- thought it was brilliant and filed it away. Unfortunately
the thought of looking into that idea further got clouded over with so
much other stuff and touring etc. that the idea went to the same place
all of the world’s left socks go. Never to be seen, heard of (or
smelled) ever again. Until NOW.
Having delved into some Hula for last month’s
Pirate Girl column I wanted to go back to what we should be focusing on
now: Partying like a pirate. I realize I am the Pirate Girl who does the
hula, what can I say, I’m an overachiever, and besides, when there
is no plundering to be done a girl’s gotta have something to pass
the time. Wearing coconuts, drinking rum, and getting leid, isn’t
a bad way to do so. You can imagine my delight running across these guys
as we begin another leg of the Party Like A Pirate Tour. So here
is some essential pirate lingo. Some I got from Cap’n Slappy
and Cap’n Chumbucket (I will make several references to those guys’
website since it’s so hilarious check them out at www.talklikeapirate.com
) and some from various other equally helpful sources on everything pirate.
(Mostly from the Pirate WebRing, another very cool thing to be a part
of, if you are a true pirate.)
FIRSTLY, YOU MUST KNOW YOUR WAY AROUND A BOAT.
Starboard = right
Port = left
Stern = back
Bow = front
Yardarm = an extension from the mast. Used to hang prisoners or
cargo.
Disembark = to leave ship
Embark = to get on ship for a journey
Keel = lowest lengthwise running timber of the ship
Mast = beams used to suspend the sails of a ship
Deck = exposed area of the ship
Colors = the flag flown by a ship
Jolly Roger = pirate flag
NEXTLY, YOU MUST GREET YOUR MATES
Ahoy! - "Hello!"
Avast! - Stop and give attention. It can be used in a sense of surprise,
"Whoa! Get a load of that!" ,"Check it out", "No
way!" or "Get off!"
Aye! - "Why yes, I agree most heartily with everything you
just said or did."
Aye aye! - "I'll get right on that”
Arrr! - "Arrr!" can mean, variously, "yes,"
"I agree," "I'm happy," "I'm enjoying this beer,"
"That was a clever remark you or I just made." (Not
to be confused with Arrrrgh! I stubbed me pinky toe!)
FURTHERNEXTLY MORE HELPFUL WORDS AT SEA (After enough rum the room feels
like the sea, too)
Fathom = a measure of six feet, describing the depth of the water
Blow = an intense storm, usually short in duration
Booty = what ye takes for plunder (and ok, I won’t try to be funny
for once)
Fluke = the part of the anchor that digs into the sand and holds
it in place
Broadside = simultaneously firing of all guns on one side of the ship
Davy Jones’ Locker = Davy Jones is an evil spirit in the sea. Dead
sailors are received by Davy Jones.
Land Ho! = traditionally yelled out when you sight land
HELPFUL WORDS TO KNOW TO NOT BRING TO THE AIRPORT
Cutlass = short, thick, curved sword
Dirk = long, thick knife
Cat O’ Nine Tails = a whip made from knotted ropes. Usually a form
of punishment. (Although nowadays I have seen other uses for it.) This
is what was meant by flogging
FURTHERLY HELPFUL WORDS FOR AROUND THE BAR
Landlubber = Slang word for someone who is stupid or lazy. Or as the TLAP
guys put it: On TLAP Day – More likely than not, you are a lubber
364 days of the year. But not if you’re talking like a pirate! Then
the word lubber becomes one of the more fierce weapons in your arsenal
of piratical lingo. In a room where everyone is talking like pirates,
lubber is ALWAYS an insult.
Mate = The word mate comes from the word meat, and originally meant people
who shared food. Later it came to be known as a companion. Mate was also
the title of an officer aboard naval and merchant ships. The mate oversaw
the sailors, ensuring that the captain's orders were carried out. He also
was responsible for stowing cargo and organizing the crew's work.
On TLAP Day – this would be the chum order to go get you another
beer.
Grog = British naval seamen received a portion of liquor every day. In
1740, Admiral Edward Vernon ordered the rum to be diluted with water.
Vernon's nickname was Old Grogram, and the beverage was given the name
grog in their disdain for Vernon. On TLAP Day –
Drink up, me hearties! And call whatever you’re drinking grog if
you want to. If some prissy pedant purses his lips and protests the word
grog can only be used if drinking rum and water, keelhaul him!
So maybe this will be ready to post on “As
the anchor drags” before the TLAP Holiday so those of you that are
planning to embark to Vegas, see you there on the 19th!!! Be sure
to show yer colors pirates! Wear your Party Like a Pirate T-shirts, order
a grog from the wenches and have a great time on deck at Tommy’s
with your mates! Arrr!
The Whaleshark and I sure live like pirates.
I finished writing this on the plane and by that time I could not run
my fingers thru my hair from the stickyness of the drink that Erik spilled
on me after being swash-buckled by a wastrel land lubber in the narrow
aisle of this sorry ship (plane). I just smile and know this is no reason
for a broadside attack and I’m glad that our lives are not behind
a desk and there’s only one thing I can say in retaliation to such
a drink-spillin’ chum: Prepare to be boarded...
Erik's Note: For the full scoop go here-->
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